I was having one of those days. You know, the kind of day where you do something really stupid and then beat yourself up over it for several days after. Well here I was, well into day two of flogging myself – you know how it works, you start dredging up past wrongs, one after another, months and then years’ worth, and heap those on top of the current wrong you did. Pretty soon you’ve got a pile of boulders on your back and you’re walking around all hunched over and angry. Mad at yourself for being so stupid, seeing yourself as a total screw up, over and over and over.
I was reminded of the time my then 4-year-old daughter Jenny was being cranky and a little naughty. I scolded her, telling her to behave and even spanked her. Later that evening she broke out with chicken pox. Poor thing, no wonder she was so ornery. My God, I must be a terrible mother! The bad self-talk went on and on.
So there I was lying awake at 4:00 a.m. wallowing in my self-pity about what a poor excuse for a person I was. What was interesting was that the stupid thing I did wasn’t even that big, it was just something I wished I could take back. I was half-awake/half asleep when I heard the voice.
“You are not here to be perfect. Part of your purpose on earth is to experience imperfection. You are already perfect.”
“Experience is the key word,” the voice went on to say. “To experience life in all its forms, good, bad and ugly, the juicy, the delicious and the sour. You came here for that purpose – to experience and learn – and to know yourself in many different ways. So let go of your perceived wrongs. You are perfect. Besides, life would be totally boring otherwise. Don’t you agree?”
My guides always know just what to say. I am learning to let things go. To chalk certain events up to another opportunity to learn about myself. Sometimes I don’t like who I am, but I’m learning to recognize those shadow sides and to move on. I’m getting to know myself a little better each time.
Ok, maybe I do the Ho'oponopono ritual as well: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. I find that always helps. I'm sorry Jenny, please forgive me. I hope you don’t carry any long term emotional scars. I love you.
To your beautiful, imperfect you,